How to speak to ANYONE and always sound interesting and intelligent

My mother-in-law often says of her best friend that she is "great at small talk". My father-in-law says of the same woman that she "could give an aspirin a headache".

I would probably side with my father-in-law on this (actually, my husband often says that he married his father rather than his mother), generally preferring conversation to be 'big' rather than 'small'. And for it not to take up too much of my day or quiet mental space.

But don't we all, at some time, worry whether our conversation is too boring? Whether we're the kind of person other people like to talk to? Or how, indeed, we can make our conversational skills better?

Being a good conversationalist is partly to do with presentation, partly to do with practice. It also has a lot to do with being confident and happy about who you are.

As far as presentation goes, the main key is to be POSITIVE, open and enthusiastic. Be bright, fun and cheerful and people will love being around you. If you always talk about negative things then people may start to avoid you.

Here are a few top tips on how to keep yourself in the right mood - and your talk on the right subjects:

Try setting goals for your conversations. This might be anything from 'get to know Peter from accounts better', 'practice my ability to talk about politics' or 'be nicer to my mother-in-law rather than just thinking about myself all the time'. It might also include things like 'pick Lucy's brain about her brilliant vegetable growing knowledge', 'let Sally know that I am there for her' or 'speak genuinely from my heart and without worrying about what others might think of what I say'.

Remember the number one rule of good conversation skills which is that other people like to speak about themselves. If you give other people the chance to really speak about themselves by asking them lots of generally interested questions, you'll guarantee that they'll enjoy talking to you. It will also take a lot of pressure off you to talk as well!

Don't be shy of preparing ahead for interesting things to talk about. It might seem a little bit contrived but you can bet your bottom dollar that all the best talkers do it. Before you arrive at a social event, for example, you might want to prepare something to say about a few interesting things that are going on in your life recently - or some funny experience you had or heard about elsewhere. You might also 'rehearse' in your head some interesting views to share on a book you've been reading, a film you've seen, or something that's being talked about on the news. Don't go so far that you sound like you've been learning your exact words. But then don't allow yourself to believe that this might be 'cheating'.

Say what you think, not what you think others want you to say. This is the only way to properly open up as a person, be your true self, and be liked for it. Obviously I'm not saying that you should go around telling people that you think their clothes are awful or that their children are losers. But simply give yourself the freedom to openly discuss your thoughts rather than worrying about what people will think about your opinions. In the same way, of course, you should embrace the different opinions of others.

REALLY LISTEN to what the other person is saying. Look for what makes this person totally different from everybody else - or what makes what they are saying just that bit totally different from what other people say on the topic. Celebrate the individual in the person you are talking to and enjoy the chance to explore the inner life and thoughts of another unique human being.

Give yourself a boost of self confidence before you leave the house. Before you attend a social event or situation, spend a few minutes thinking about your personal strengths and accomplishments. Realise all the things you have to offer - and the attributes that others have told you they cherish in you in the past.

Talk about upbeat things. As much as possible, try to talk about positive topics - or at least talk about things with enthusiasm and passion. Anyone listening to your will be attracted by these energetic vibes. Avoid droning on about problems or complaints too much or sounding too negative all the time. Obviously there will be times when you need to talk to friends about problems you are going through, but even then it might not be a bad idea to set a goal for this kind of conversation...

Keep your own comments short and to the point. Say what you have to say enthusiastically but don't go on about the same subject for too long. People will be very interested in hearing about your experiences and opinions, but there interest can quickly turn to boredom or irritation if you go on for too long. A good conversation should be like a lively game of tennis.

Don't be frightened of getting personal. So many friendships - and sometimes even relationships - never go beyond the superficial stage. Yet so many of us are crying out to share the true depths of our souls with others. We all need people with whom to share our innermost thoughts, feelings and experiences so it really pays not to be shy of both talking about your own - or inviting others to talk about theirs. I think it was Carl Rogers who said that he has found that it is when we are talking about the most individual and personal experiences, that we often find they have the most resonance with the experiences of others. Don't be frightened to initiate 'serious' conversations about 'the meaning of life', 'how hard it is to be human' or 'how much the beauty of life sometimes twists you inside'. Ask others the kind of questions that you would like to be asked yourself.

Practice the art of keeping conversations going. To make sure your conversation with another has a feeling of deep and rich content, be sure to find out about the really big events or interests in the other person's life. Also, of course, it is also important to realise what topics are really important to you - and to allow yourself to talk about them passionately. Better still, if you can find interests that you both have in common, this will always offer a rich and natural vein of topic for conversation. If, during a conversation with a 'new person' you realise that the current topic is running a bit dry, go back to a topic that they mentioned in passing earlier but that you didn't discuss then. Say something like 'I noticed that you mentioned your cactus collection earlier'.
Personally when it comes to conversation I believe I am interested in both lifting the topic of conversation higher - yet also to delve deeper into the person with whom you are talking. On the other hand, I do have to admit to being a bit of a lover of gossip...

"The fun of talk is to find what a man really thinks, and then contrast it with the enormous lies he has been telling all dinner, and, perhaps, all his life."
Benjamin Disraeli

"Although there exist many thousand subjects for elegant conversation, there are persons who cannot meet a cripple without talking about feet."
Ernest Bramah

"If you have nothing good to say about anyone, come sit next to me."
Dorothy Parker

All the best