Baked Beans

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent

that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from

work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him

that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a

small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With

miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I

reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed

three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I

released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed

delightedly “darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight”

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a

seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.

He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to

answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was

becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized

the opportunity, shifted my weight onto one leg and let one go. It was not

only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in

front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air

around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was

worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I

went on like this for another few minutes.

The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells

signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times

with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling

very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned,

apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the

blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated

around the table chorused “happy birthday”

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I fainted !!!!!!!!!