Keep burglars out

[dogsmum]

 The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the
house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations.
 
Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds
of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!
 
Dear Mr. Mailman, we found bloodstains all over our mail.
They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot,
please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear
of all openings. P.S. - Any sign of that book we sent for,
"The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats"?
 
Selma, don't come in! The boa constrictor got loose again...
 
Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside!
The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and
you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are!
 
To whom it may concern: Some of the items in this house have
been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others
have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck...

[Spite]

  Aww, I was expecting an offer of free stickers, comprising of Taf's face, and the words, "This property protected by Grumbling Security Services".

[Taf]

"ASJ is staying and he's peckish...."

[Izzy]

 

[dogsmum]

"ASJ is staying and he's peckish...."