Parenting your PC

AVOID YELLING
Try not to shout at your computer when it makes you cross. Tell it quietly and calmly what it did wrong and why that made you angry. Focus on what it did, not what it is. Sit close to the screen, make eye contact, and explain firmly what you need it to do.

TAKE TIME OUT
Discipline your misbehaving PC with short time outs. After a quiet explanation, remove the computer's electricity privilages for five minutes - but be prepared for the silent treatment and blank looks. When you switch the power back on, it will know you mean business and will perform properly.

DON'T SMACK
Modern reasearch shows smacking or hitting your desktop doesn't help and can actually do more damage. When the urge to hurt your computer becomes uncontrollable, walk away to give yourself a chance to cool down. Physical punishment for programme crashes is inappropriate, and won't teach your PC to behave. And remember - Never shake a laptop.

BEWARE OF BUGS
Your computer may be acting up because it's infected with something nasty. Make sure you run a virus check before you take disciplinary action. Sluggish behaviour can be a symptom of worms.

WATCH FOR SMOKE SIGNALS
Smikoing can be an indication of a serious underlying problem, and should not be ignored. Question your PC closely to find out the source of the smoke, then call in a professional to deal with it. It may well be a desperate cry for attention.

JUST SAY NO
It's natural to be curious about drugs, and you'll often find unexpected advertisments for them hidden among your emails. Just delete then patiently and wait for the phase to pass.

SPEND QUALITY TIME
Don't let your PC feel that all you do is grimble at it, or that life is all about work. Spend a few minutes each day doing things you both enjoy. Playing games will let your computer know you care. Make sure the people around you respect your right to have significant non-work contact time.

REWARD ACHIEVABLE GOALS
Promise your computer that when it finishes the task you've set, you'll give itsomething nice (a new DVD drive, or bigger speakers)

PRAISE EXCELLENCE
Commend your PC when it performs well. A friendly pat and a comment like, "It's a pleasure to see you work like that," will help build strong relationship. Pay attention to good behaviour, not crashes and malfunctions. It will soon stop losing vital folders if you don't take any notice. For a long term reward for trouble free co-operation, visit an online store where your computer can choose a gadget you'll both enjoy.

REMEMBER
You and your computer spend alot of time together. You need each other. Try to make it work.