"Rules for Editing"

[dogsmum]

 
Some of you have noticed a few typos in the jokes now and
then, to improve this I am now using a new set of rules for
editing.
 
1.  Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2.  Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3.  And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4.  It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5.  Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6.  Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7.  Be more or less specific.
8.  Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.
9.  Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than
necessary; it's
      highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalise.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical
words
      however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put
    forth earth shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
    quotations. Tell me what you know."
25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times:
Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it
correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
 
And the last one...
 
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

[Izzy]

DM? Is that you?  Or is it.... ?

[dogsmum]

 Me, you mean this is me!!!

[Izzy]

 

[Mojo]

No.26!