Author Topic: Is this the worst yet?  (Read 24958 times)

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Offline fred

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Is this the worst yet?
« on: May 06, 2014, 16:42:00 PM »
Why can't an octopus make nine girls laugh at the same time ?

Because he can only gesticulate.....
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine

Offline K@

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2014, 17:34:59 PM »
The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact. - P. G. Wodehouse

Offline fred

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2014, 16:17:39 PM »
Mick is walking along the bottom of some scaffolding when suddenly he spies Pete the Brummie flying through the air landing in a crumpled crushed dead heap at his feet. Appalled , Mick screams "begat & begorrah, fit did he dae that fur?" Kevin, the Essex foreman mutters .. " I told him I flew in Wellingtons during the war!"
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine

Offline Tāf

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2014, 12:51:07 PM »
"What's your favourite part of swimming pools?"

"Not sure, depends I suppose."

"Yeah, mine too."

Offline Tāf

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #4 on: June 15, 2014, 17:20:16 PM »
The new Star Wars film will feature a new fat robot to star alongside R2D2 and C3P0, he will be called OBCT.

Offline Nana of 8

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #5 on: June 18, 2014, 11:29:20 AM »
:lol:
Queen Ebayer

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Offline Tāf

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #6 on: June 22, 2014, 17:22:26 PM »
I see Sunni and Shia are at each other's throats again.

I thought they split up years ago?  ???

Offline Tāf

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #7 on: June 22, 2014, 17:24:49 PM »
The wife said to me, "Whenever a World Cup game is on, let's eat something to do with that team for dinner that night."

Mexico was on, we had burritos.

Japan was on, we had sushi.

USA was on, we had burgers.

Italy was on, we had pizza.

Tuesday is England, so we're going out.

Offline K@

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #8 on: June 22, 2014, 19:38:43 PM »
 :)
The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact. - P. G. Wodehouse

Offline Tāf

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #9 on: July 19, 2014, 14:15:19 PM »
The bell on my bike has fell off, so I've attached a peashooter to warn people when I'm near.

I've decided to call it my no bell pea surprise.

Offline K@

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #10 on: July 19, 2014, 15:22:43 PM »
 8)
The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact. - P. G. Wodehouse

Offline fred

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #11 on: July 19, 2014, 16:04:30 PM »
My dad worked on the roadwork's for twenty years before he got fired for stealing! At first I didn't believe it....but when I got home all the signs were there.
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine

Offline Tāf

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #12 on: July 26, 2014, 09:21:01 AM »
Back on January 9th, a group of Pekin, Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,

"Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,

"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey!  That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

Offline fred

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #13 on: August 12, 2014, 07:33:53 AM »
In 1944 John Smith got his call-up papers from the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for John Smith since 1944.
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine

Offline fred

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #14 on: August 17, 2014, 17:17:42 PM »

'Viagra' is now available in tea bags.
It doesn't enhance your sexual performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft.
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine