Author Topic: Is this the worst yet?  (Read 24793 times)

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Offline Tāf

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #30 on: October 06, 2014, 17:27:03 PM »
An insect just flew into my room and exploded....


...it must have been a Jihaddy Longlegs.

Offline Tāf

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #31 on: October 09, 2014, 13:16:20 PM »
What happened at the end of the Italian fairy tale?

They all lived in Napoli ever after.

Offline Tāf

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #32 on: October 09, 2014, 13:26:37 PM »
What do you call an Irish Rastafarian?

Ea-monn.

Offline fred

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #33 on: October 09, 2014, 17:06:34 PM »
"Doctor, I've got premature ejaculation"

"Well don't come in here!"
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine

Offline Tāf

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #34 on: October 12, 2014, 14:23:53 PM »
I went to the pet shop to buy some breeding birds.

The cashier said, "Have you got a store card?"

I said, "No but I did get a budgie excited once."

Offline fred

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #35 on: October 12, 2014, 16:40:18 PM »
A friend just returned from a trip to West Africa and now he can't stop buying raffle tickets...

...we are concerned that he may have contracted Tombola.
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine

Offline Tāf

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #36 on: October 12, 2014, 17:00:51 PM »
I've just release my first single on 7" Vinyl.

A side: Oh I do like to be.

B side: The seaside.

Offline Tāf

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #37 on: October 17, 2014, 12:49:58 PM »
What can you jump over that's a hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

Offline Tāf

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #38 on: November 11, 2014, 13:37:06 PM »
A lion, a witch and a wardrobe walk into a bar.

The barman says, "I'm serving Narnia!"

Offline fred

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #39 on: November 17, 2014, 08:51:29 AM »
I have just heard that the inventor of perforated paper forms has died.

RIP.
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine

Offline K@

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #40 on: November 17, 2014, 09:48:25 AM »
 :)
The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact. - P. G. Wodehouse

Offline fred

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #41 on: November 21, 2014, 16:55:57 PM »
I just arrived at one of those Swiss assisted suicide places.

It cost me 44,000 and after paying all that money, guess what the bastards gave me for breakfast this morning?















Cheerios!
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine

Offline fred

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #42 on: November 22, 2014, 08:12:14 AM »
The UK's first bus powered by human waste has been involved in a 'near miss' in Bristol earlier today.

Accident investigators are examining a huge skid mark left on a bend.

............................................ ...

First bus to run on shit my arse. What about Cameron's election tourbus?



............................................ ...... ......

Nick Clegg might as well become a Jehovah's Witness .


They won't be having a party at Christmas either .

............................................ ...... ..

"I've had a little prang in your new Bentley" texted my wife.

"Is there much damage?" I enquired

"I've only pushed the grill in" she replied

"It's spelt grille darling" I answered.

"No it's definitely grill it's the one at the Savoy" she said
"I've had a little prang in your new Bentley" texted my wife.

"Is there much damage?" I enquired

"I've only pushed the grill in" she replied

"It's spelt grille darling" I answered.

"No it's definitely "grill"............ it's the one at the Savoy" she said

............................................ .....

Animal rights groups are angry about the treatment of animals in 'I'm A Celebrity'..

They're particularly concerned about the Elephant with blonde hair.

............................................ ......
I asked my mum where my dad was going with my game of twister,

"He's joining the Masons tonight and he thinks it may help him with the handshakes, " she said.

............................................ .....


Whenever my wife goes to the supermarket I always tell her to park in the disabled space.

After watching her spend 20 minutes trying to reverse into it, nobody is going to question her.

............................................ ......

"What is the name of the South African paralympic athlete nicknamed the Blade Runner?" I was asked when appearing on 'Eggheads' tonight.

"Can I take a shot in the dark?" I asked

"We'll give you that one.... it's Oscar Pistorius"

............................................ ...... .....

Eyes are turning to the next football World Cup and it's difficult to say who might win at this stage though.

Perhaps I should write to FIFA, I'm sure they already know...
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine

Offline K@

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #43 on: November 23, 2014, 09:46:28 AM »
Perhaps I should write to FIFA, I'm sure they already know...

:yes:
The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact. - P. G. Wodehouse

Offline fred

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #44 on: November 28, 2014, 08:31:10 AM »
I was in Lidl's t'other day. With them prepping for Xmas they had boxes stacked up. Anyway a couple of boxes of tinned tuna went over and fell on me.


I was a bit shocked but I was OK because I only suffered (wait for it)
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superfishoil injuries
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine