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Is this the worst yet?

Started by fred, May 06, 2014, 18:30:00 pm

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K@

I can imagine that actually happening.
The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact. - P. G. Wodehouse

fred

I've just spent £300 on hiring a limo for the weekend, but apparently it doesn't pay for the driver.

All that money and nothing to chauffeur it...
Gym?  Thought you said Gin.

K@

The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact. - P. G. Wodehouse

fred

Gym?  Thought you said Gin.

fred

I don't like to brag BUT... Good Christmas deed done!

Yesterday afternoon at the checkout I was behind an old lady in the queue. Her bill came to £56.83 but when she counted out all her change she only had just under £50.

I thought she was probably someone's Nan and I'd like to think someone would have helped my Nan out.

She didn't want me to help her but I insisted, and in no time we had all her shopping back on the shelves...
Gym?  Thought you said Gin.

fred

Two guys were lying in their hospital beds waiting to go to theatre. One asked the other: "What are you in for?"
He answered: " an endoscopy"
"What's that?" the first one asked.
"They put a tube down your throat into your stomach to check for ulcers and cancer. What are you in for?"
"A camera up my backside."
"Ah! That's a colonoscopy" said the first guy.
"No" said the other, "My wife caught me taking pictures of our next door neighbour sunbathing in the nude."
Gym?  Thought you said Gin.

Tâf


fred

The god of war rode out one day, upon his favourite filly
I'm Thor he cried, the horse replied
Forgot your thaddle thilly
Gym?  Thought you said Gin.

K@

The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact. - P. G. Wodehouse

fred

What do you call a cow that can't produce milk?

an udder failure.
Gym?  Thought you said Gin.

K@

The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact. - P. G. Wodehouse

fred

Gym?  Thought you said Gin.

Nana of 8

Queen Ebayer

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

fred

Gym?  Thought you said Gin.

fred

My wife phoned me at work today, she said "Have you been experiencing any unexplained stabbing pains in your chest, like someone is sticking pins in a voodoo doll?"

I thought for a minute then replied "No I don't think I have"

She was silent for a couple of seconds then said "How about now......?"
Gym?  Thought you said Gin.