Author Topic: Is this the worst yet?  (Read 32117 times)

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Offline Tāf

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #405 on: March 13, 2019, 17:09:47 PM »
I'm not saying anything until I get my lawyer present!

But you are a lawyer?

OK, so where's my present?

Offline fred

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #406 on: March 23, 2019, 07:32:36 AM »
...
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine

Offline fred

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #407 on: March 31, 2019, 17:22:02 PM »
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine

Offline Tāf

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #408 on: March 31, 2019, 18:03:23 PM »
Social justice warriors are claiming this "normalises" the idea of killing politicians. And anyone posting it should be arrested.

So we should all post it and make them scream!!

Offline fred

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #409 on: April 18, 2019, 17:09:16 PM »
I asked my wife if I was the only one for her.
She replied "yes, all the others were nines and tens."

I asked my wife the other day what was the one thing she really wanted to do with my body.
She replied: "Identify it."

I asked my wife the other day what was the one thing she really wanted to do with my body.
She replied: "Bring flowers to it every month of so, well at least for the first year, after that it will be a bit like our sex life, your birthday and christmas"
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine

Offline fred

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #410 on: May 23, 2019, 07:02:08 AM »
A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said 'I want to be a movie star.'

Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, 'What's your name?'

The guy said, 'My name is Penis van Lesbian.'

The agent said, 'Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name.'

'I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever.'

The agent said, 'Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years, you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you.'

'So be it! I guess we will not do business together' the guy said, and he left the agent's office.

FIVE YEARS LATER... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office.

Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $ 50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...

'Dear Sir.
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely,

Dick van Dyke
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine

Offline K@

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #411 on: May 31, 2019, 18:34:04 PM »
Heck... :)
The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact. - P. G. Wodehouse

Offline fred

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #412 on: June 16, 2019, 17:04:14 PM »
Nelson


When he died he was only 5 feet tall, his statue in Trafalgar Square is 15 feet tall. That's Horatio of 3:1
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine

Offline Tāf

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #413 on: June 16, 2019, 17:55:58 PM »
:rolf:

Offline fred

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Re: Is this the worst yet?
« Reply #414 on: June 19, 2019, 10:47:57 AM »
I was outside my shop selling lion, the witch, and the wardrobe memorabilia.
A passer by asked me what I was doing.
I told them it's Narnia business.
I jumped off a bridge in Paris.

They told me I was in seine