Is this the worst yet?

[fred]

Isn't that a repeat, Fred?

It's a getting older thing

[K@]

I know that one...

[fred]

If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?

[fred]

Did you hear about the dermatologist who started from scratch?

It was a rash decision.....

[fred]

We went to a restaurant tonight that specialised in cooking exotic animals and birds.

The Pelican was really tasty, but the bill was enormous!

[fred]

An old native american couple were being interviewed by the local news team, and the reporter asked the old bloke his name. "my name is Eagle Claw, and this is my wife, Four Ponies". The reporter was trying to impress the old woman so he turned to her and said "What a wonderful name, so evocative"

The old bloke leant forward and said "That's her official name, but in reality its nag, nag, nag, nag...."

[fred]

My sister's gone to the USA.

Where?

Alaska.

Thanks, let me know when she answers. My sister's gone to the USA.

Where?

Alaska.

Thanks, let me know when she answers.

[K@]

* K@ titters

[fred]

Trump's aide on Monday said to him, "Sir, I had a dream you got your parade. It was miles and miles long, winding through Washington, D.C. Joyful Americans lined the route, literally in the millions. You were riding in the most beautiful carriage. It was the biggest parade in U.S. history."

Trump beamed and asked, "Was I happy?"

The aide answered, "I don't know, sir, the casket was closed."

[K@]

 

[fred]

Buying a Chinese takeaway £7.50

Paying extra for delivery 50p

Opening the bag to find a container's missing...

.....riceless!

[fred]

My mate said, "I like your sports car."

I said, "It's not very practical now we've got a baby."

He said, "How about I buy it off you."

I said, "Yeah go on then. £4000?"

He said, "You've got yourself a deal."

I said, "Nice one... you're going to make a brilliant dad."

[K@]

Saw that coming. Still quite amusing, though.

[fred]

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.

"A golf gun! What is a golf gun?"

"I don't know for sure yet, but it really made a hole in Juan."

[K@]

OMFG!