Is this the worst yet?

[Tâf]

What is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog? The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.

[fred]

I'M GONNA FIND YOU!

I can't believe this has happened to me just before Christmas! I just got home to find all the windows open! They've taken everything.It's all gone.I'm waiting for the Police! The dirty rotten thieving bastards.What kind of sick minded person would do that to another person?

You are not human,you are low life scum!

That was my advent calendar and you had no right to open it and eat all of the chocolates

[K@]

Awwwwwwwwwww!

[fred]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

[fred]

Why did the Pirate give his ship a coat of paint?

Its timbers were shivering.








Two people are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea.
"What's this?" asked the skipper, "It looks as if someone is drowning!"
"No," explained his crew, "It's just a little wave."

[fred]

India has launched a spacecraft to Mars.

With the hope of establishing a call centre location with even poorer communication quality and response times.

[fred]

I've got a new job. I'm helping out a one-armed typist whenever she needs to type a capital letter.

It's shift work.

[fred]

I was thinking about how the Americans have butchered our language and decided to list a few 'key' words they have spelt incorrectly. I have shown the correct version, then the American version and noted the letter that is wrong:

English ---------------> USA

pyjamas -------------> pajamas --------- Y
moustache ----------> mustache ------ O
colour ---------------> color ------------- U

mollusc ------------> mollusk, ---------- C
encyclopaedia ----> encyclopedia ---- A
bannister ----------> banister ---------- N
carburettor --------> carburetor ------- T

cosy -----------------> cozy -------------- S
sulphur -------------> sulfur ------------ P
enquiry -------------> inquiry ---------- E
fuelling -------------> fueling ---------- L
labelling ------------> labeling --------- L

[K@]

Works for me!

[fred]

If Athletes get Athletes Foot,
What do Elves get?























Mistletoes!!

[K@]

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

[fred]

I told the boss a roll of bubble wrap had arrived....he said just pop it in the corner.....three and a half hours it took me. ......

[fred]

Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

A: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

[fred]

Why do all the teletubbies go to the toilet at the same time?








They've only got one tinky winky

[K@]