The Lockdown Song

[Tâf]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified,

There was no loo roll down at Aldi, and I nearly cried.

Oh, I spent so many nights just thinking how you did me wrong,

I used to wipe, and now I'm forced to just drip dry!

No anti-bac!

No bloody soap,

and if you think you're buying pasta well, you've got no bloody hope!

I would have bought that box of eggs; I would have rationed out my bread,

If I'd have known for just one second, everyone would lose their head!

Go on now go, walk out the door!

All you bloody stockpilers,

You are not welcome any more!

Weren't you the ones who just bought all the sodding beans?

You selfish gits!

I hope you spill them down your jeans!

Oh no not I, I won't panic buy!

Oh as long as I have alcohol, I know I'll stay alive,

Though I can't buy my usual cheese,

This will not bring me to my knees

And I'll survive, I will survive, hey, hey!

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart,

There was just apples and one carrot in my shopping cart,

And I spent hours walking around just feeling sorry for myself,

The empty store, with boxes strewn across the floor

And you'll see me, somebody who,

Cannot buy anything she came for, and it's all down to fecking you.

And frickin Reg from down the road is such a selfish blimmin git.

Because he stockpiled all the loo roll so nobody else can have a s@*t!

Go on now go, walk out the door!

All you bloody stockpilers,

You are not welcome any more!

Weren't you ones who just bought all the sodding cakes

Can't you make a crumble,

Do you people not know how to bake?

Oh no not I, I won't panic buy!

Oh as long as I have alcohol, I know I'll stay alive,

Though I can't buy my usual cheese

This will not bring me to my knees

And I'll survive, I will survive !!