Is this the worst yet?

[fred]

WIFE: "I'm leaving! I can't take any more frog puns."
ME: "Sorry, I know they can be a tad polarizing."
WIFE: "See!"
ME: "That's a toadal overreaction."

[K@]

 

[fred]

I was doing a crossword the other day.

The clue was Frogmen, 6 letters.

Ah, I thought, then the answer is 'DIVERS'...

Turns out the answer was 'FRENCH'

[fred]

"And God promised men that good and obedient wives would
be found in all corners of the earth."

........Then He made the earth round...and He laughed and laughed and
laughed!

[K@]

[fred]

Q: Why does beer go through you so fast?
A: It does not have to stop to change colour.

[fred]

Boy George has been arrested after his pet reptile attacked several members of the public.

He really needs a calmer chameleon.

[fred]

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed..
How could anyone stoop so low?

[fred]

A man goes into a doctor's office feeling a little ill The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.'
So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before. They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins $35. Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins $320 Then he gets the full house and wins $5000. Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too getting $780,000.
The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, 'Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full-house and the national game on the same card. You must be the luckiest bastard on Earth.'
'Lucky?' he screamed. 'Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24!'
'Bloody hell,' says the bingo caller. 'You've won the meat raffle too!'

[fred]

A man went to see the doctor. When asked what was the problem, he said his testicles seemed swollen and he was getting lethargic.
After examining him, the doctor explained to the patient "It is not good news, I am afraid. You have the dreaded dunph".
"What is the dreaded dunph?", the patient asked.
"Well, your testicles will swell more and more and the sac will droop lower and lower. The lethargy will also increase and you will become more and more lazy. And I am afraid there is no cure for it. Go home, settle down and wait for the inevitable outcome".
On the way down the street from the doctor's the man encountered another man standing on a street corner, screaming his head off. When he asked the stranger what was the problem, he replied "I've got the dreaded dunph".
"Well, so have I" said the first man, "and I'm not screaming my head off".
Aye, said the second man, but I am standing on my left ball and I'm too bloody lazy to get off it!

[K@]

 

[fred]

I used to date a girl with severe eczema.

She had cracking tits

[K@]

Ewww...

[fred]

Castro: I will not die until America is destroyed!

Trump: I'm gonna be the president.

Castro: My work here is done...

[K@]