Is this the worst yet?

[K@]

 

[fred]

The Three Wise Men arrived to visit the Child lying in the manger.
One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and smacked his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable.
"Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed.
"Write that down, Mary," said Joseph. "It's better than Derek."

[fred]

John's wife told him that she doesn't care what she gets for Christmas this year.
"Just make sure it's got diamonds in it" she said.
John bought her a pack of playing cards.
John is not going to have a nice Christmas.

[K@]

[fred]

a collection


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2887117/Why-Cinderella-bad-football-did-woodcutter-s-wife-say-husband-December-jolliest-panto-jokes-oh-yes-are.html

[fred]

Q: What's a dog doing when he sniffs a tree?
A: Checking his p-mail.

Q: What's a dog doing when he sniffs a power pole?
A: Checking his post.

[K@]

Christmas crackers, Fred?

[fred]

just me crackers

[K@]

    

[fred]

SailorBill and his wife went to see a Relate councillor as their marriage was in difficulties.
"It's SailorBill" said the wife "He doesn't please me in bed".
"Why is that?" said the councillor.
"Well" said the wife "He used to be in the SAS".
"What has that got to do with sex?" said the councillor.
"It's because he is used to getting in and out without anyone noticing!" said the wife.

[K@]

 

[fred]

 My pet chameleon, Fred, (who I've had for years) was found dead on the living room floor the other day. The vet said he had died of exhaustion.

I blame myself..I should never have bought that tartan carpet...

[K@]

 

[fred]

The first rule of The Thesaurus Club is that you do not talk, articulate, babble, broach, chant, chat, chatter, comment on, communicate, confess, converse, describe, divulge, drawl, drone, express, flap one's tongue, gab, babble, give voice to, gossip, influence, intone, notify, palaver, parlay, patter, persuade, prate, prattle, pronounce, reveal, rhapsodize, run on, say, sing, soliloquize, speak, spill the beans, spout, squeak, squeal, talk one's leg off, tell, tell all, use, utter, ventriloquise, verbalise, voice or yak about The Thesaurus Club.

[K@]

I agree, concur, accede, go along with, acquiesce, acknowledge.